America's traditions being undermined...

It is time to get this out in the open. I'm sure this may anger some of you, but A Conservative Proposal does not have a following large enough for enemies. Feel free to disagree, but please back up your arguments in the comment box below.

Soccer is the worst sport ever!

I make this declaration for several reasons...

1. The game itself is too simple. Anyone with two feet and a rock can play soccer. There are 3 year old leagues that would be difficult to differenciate from a professional one. Soccer lacks the beautiful subtleties found in real sports, such as Baseball.
2. Soccer is low action. Watching a ball go back and forth between players 20 yards away from one another is plain boring. For the most part, players never get anywhere near each other.
3. Soccer is low scoring. Scores of 1-0 and 2-0 make spectatorship a dull prospect indeed.
4. Soccer is unAmerican. Our National Pastime is Baseball. Basketball has passion. Football is the nation's favorite. Even Lacrosse is genuinely American-invented and played by the Native Americans. Anyone in America who doesn't know the words to 'Take me out to the Ballgame' needs to go back to the country they came from.
5. Flopping. If you think this is bad in the NBA, try watching greasy haired men in knee socks rolling around like 3 year olds on a soccer field. Soccer is notorious for this pseudostrategy.
6. There's only a champion every four years. A world cup can only be played every four years because it takes that long to drum up interest.
7. No hands...how can you possible show ability and talent in a sport where you cannot even use your God-given hands? Contrast soccer (kick, run, kick) with a sport like Football (real football) where you throw, catch, run, juke, kick, leap, tackle, tip, block, spin, etc.
8. Lack of history. Can anyone tell me where the soccer hall of fame is? Can you name five professional soccer players from 10 or more years ago? Does the Smithsonian have a soccer collection? Could you imagine a Ken Burns documentary lasting even one hour on soccer?
9. Soccer's greatest sin: Ties. How abominable. What world to they live in where a competition has no outcome? Why in the world should anyone watch, play, or even concieve a game that has no winner? That's the reason we compete...so someone wins and someone loses. That's the whole point. There are winners and there are losers.

Please feel free to comment below...Here's the picture of the week...another reminder that we are the baddest country on the planet...